Seth’s World View

“When a man really gives up trying to make something out of himself – a saint, or a converted sinner, or a churchman (a so-called clerical somebody), a righteous or unrighteous man,…when in fullness of tasks, questions, success or ill-hap, experiences and perplexities, a man throws himself into the arms of God…then he wakes with Christ in Gethsemane. That is faith, that is metanoia and it is thus that he becomes a man and Christian. How can a man wax arrogant if in a this-sided life he shares the suffering of God?”

The above is from the introduction to The Cost of Discipleship. It resonates with what I have been reading from Richard Foster, Thomas Merton, and others, that simplicity in the Christian life is about not trying. That’s not to say it doesn’t require discipline, it does, but not in the way we think of it. It takes throwing outselves at the feet of Jesus in humility, and spending lots of time in His presence, being changed, being known, knowing. It’s choosing to trust like a child, not always understanding, not always getting what I want, but trusting always. Trust is a not a conditional state where I require God give things to me. It’s trust. It’s faith, choosing to believe, and to believe with all that I am.

This week has provided quite the crisis of faith. Part of me wanting to walk away from it all, from Christianity, and maybe for a few moments I did. And it’s times like this I’m glad I’m committed to some people, so I can see it’s more than just about me. I’m tired of being good. I’m tired of trying to be a certain kind of Christian and tired of perceived expectations. I’m tired of trying to figure out how I’m supposed to live my life. Religion is death to me, and not death to myself, but death to life. In the end, I can’t walk the middle path anymore. Either I completely walk about from Christianity, or I fully trust God and stop worrying about my life. So I choose to reboot this life, to seek first the Kingdom, as if for the first time, to pray, as one who doesn’t know how to pray, to trust, as a child would his Dad. There aren’t any words to this, just humble simplicity.