Seth’s World View

As of now, these are the 7 most painful movies made in my lifetime, never to be seen again, time lost forever:

1. Freddie Got Fingered
This was worse than bad. I felt unclean after watching it. You have to see it to understand, but do that, and you’ll be scared for life. Don’t. You’ve been warned (as images of flying babies on umbilical chords dance in my head, feel sick just thinking about this movie).

2. Vertical Limit
The first few minutes made me question the wisdom of watching this movie. There were no good actors in this film. The dialogue was worse than awful. The story was stupid and completely unbelievable. The only good thing was the cinematography, which I had already seen in the previews. And I still wonder why I finished watching it.

3. Matrix Revolutions
I loved The Matrix. Reloaded was terribly paced and not as good as the original, but did anyone expect it to be? I enjoyed Reloaded, as it gave me great actions scenes and something to think about. Before watching Revolutions, I checked out Rotten Tomatoes….20% eh? I went to see it, and wasn’t disappointed…my expectations were too low. The movie went nowhere the first 20 minutes, and towards the end, I found myself thinking, ‘Trinity, just die already!’ It had to be seen, and never will be again.

4. Planet of the Apes (2000)
READ THE BOOK! It’s better than both movies! I liked the original though, it was thoughtful, consistent, and the acting was superb (for apes anyway). This version was cliched, forced, with lame one-liners, many inconsistencies, many coincidences, and an implausable storyline. There is a ‘science’ to science fiction, and this one failed that test.

5. Elephant
This was an indepedent movie by Gus Van Sant, perhaps best known for Good Will Hunting. I kept waiting, hoping for the camcorder shot movie with a Columbine-type theme to start. It never did.

6. Starship Troopers
Just plain dumb. If I wanted a farce, I’ll watch Mystery Science Theatre.

7. A Walk in the Clouds
We already know Keanu can’t act. This movie is the definitive proof. Groan…