Seth’s World View

That was the title of a song by Michael W. Smith. I used to listen to Smitty, and really liked his music. Back then, I listened exclusively to CCM. Then I went to college, and many things changed, and they continue to change. It was a dream to go overseas, though not a passion. Really, though, I’m not sure how passionate my life has been. How much have I passionately pursued? Not much, really. More of a lazy push in one direction or another that I think I want to go in and then folding my hand when my bluff is called or it doesn’t seem like I can win. My heart is crushed, passionate or not. I really hope their is truth to the title of Henri Nouwen’s book, “The Wounded Healer.”

Shortly, I will have a month to travel the South Island, one of the most beautiful lands in the world, and take lots of photos. Traveling and photography are supposedly two of my most passionate pursuits, and I have the enthusiasm of a rock right now. Do I have the motivation to pursue anything?? Coming and going, leaving and returning, it’s exhausting, mentally and emotionally. Will I ever be anything? Will I ever live again? I hope so. Never mind that I have proverbially conquered the world just by coming over here and making it. There has to be another fulfilling job out there. There has to be a place where I can commit my heart. I’m not some things I thought I was, but perhaps I still am some.