Seth’s World View

“Imbalance is the best place to be, then you’re always striving for balance instead of vegging.” – Native American saying

Editorial:
On April 28th, after running past some of the most beautiful scenery in the country (along Route 1 in California), I crossed the finish line at 4:26:14 (1217th) of the Big Sur International Marathon! (http://www.bsim.org). Unbelievable. My friends Dawn and Dave finished at 4:26:51 (1236th) and 3:17:34 (94th) (way to go Dave!). Next up, Boulder Bolder, and Jesus Run (http://www.jesusrun.org). Speaking of Jesus Run, I’m signed up to run the half-marathon on June 9th. Since one of the main purposes of the Jesus Run is to raise money for the missions agency/group of our choice, I chose to raise money for The Amsterdam Project (our church is sending a church planting team to Amsterdam in the fall). If you would like to know more about the Amsterdam Project, visit their website: http://www.amsterdamproject.org. If you would like to help me raise some money (the majority of which goes to the Amsterdam Project) or if you’d like to signup for the race, you can do so online: https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1557&lis=1&supId=437903

Current Events:
The Rock’s art team put out a book of poetry, creative prose and short fiction this month called The Nouveaux Review. Having never worked with a publisher before, it was a fun learning experience. I have two poems in it (both of which are on my website). I might be doing some content management for the Rock website if things go as planned.
Other than that, I’ve been doing a lot of reading (I added a section called Bookmarks to my Writing section which has a list of books read), thinking, reflecting, and speculating. After rereading my journals (which started in December 1994), I decided to selectively transcribe my journals from 95 to 99 and put it on my website (I think). I’ll let you know next month.
No news on the job front, still jobless. Not a very positive market unless I want to commute or move. I will survive regardless.

Reflections:
I reread Inside Out, by Larry Crabb, and it again caused me to reevaluate my life, and my self-protective tendencies. I still put up walls, still avoid potential causes of pain, even if it means avoiding love (both giving and receiving). Sigh. I wrote out a life history of all the significant events and mistakes affecting my life (and no, this will not be on my website, ever). It helped me to just face all my past pain and disappointment, and in my weakness, thirst for God more. When I become aware how deeply selfish and hurt I am, it allows me to understand grace, and to depend on God rather than myself. It’s a good place to be.
Part of this process, as I implied earlier, was rereading my journals from the past seven years. In my college years, there was a search for many things: a passion for God, a deep desire to be in relationship (with people, particularly with a girl), trying to figure out my future career, pursuing goals to make myself a better person, etc. It’s encouraging to realize I’ve grown a lot since then, and that I’ve achieved many of my goals. It’s discouraging to see areas where I still need to grow (will I ever learn!!!). And now that I have enough experience to make real money in computers, I don’t plan on pursuing a career in the computer field. The “careers” I’m looking at don’t pay much, but I can throw my heart into them, though I haven’t figured out which one is next. Nor do I know for certain how long I’m staying in Fort Collins (though it looks to be my home for the next 6 to 12 months or so). For my friends in Fort Collins, let me just say I’m thankful for all of you and your part in my life. If I leave, only then I will realize just how great you all are:).
Just read Rich Mullins’ biography. If you haven’t read much about him, this website is pretty good: http://www.kidbrothers.net. I like Rich. He lived a simple life, didn’t like fame, gave away most of his money, left the music scene to teach music on an Indian reservation. I resonate with his life, feel it, as someone who feels too deeply. Though I’m not sure how, I want to find a way to waste my life in service of others. To not be a model of perfection, but to be a model of forgiveness, living in humble awe of God’s grace, to “Be God’s”, as Rich would put it. I think it’s finally sinking in to me: accomplishments mean nothing, loving and serving in humility mean everything.

“Someday I hope to completely let go of the reigns of my so-called destiny and allow God the opportunity to blow my mind.” Jeremiah 29:11 – Michael Passons of Avalon (thanks to Joanna for sending me this quote long ago).